# Goodbye Fake Friends

Source: https://www.theminimalists.com/fake/
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2024-06-12
Author: Joshua Fields Millburn

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Dear Fake Friends from My Past:

When I walked away from a successful career three years ago, you thought I was crazy. Even crazier when I said I wanted to [cultivate my passion](https://www.theminimalists.com/cal/), pursue my dream: writing. It’s all right, there’s no need to deny it now: save your apologies—I’m not looking for one.

Scores of you, my ostensible friends, talked behind my back. The grapevine is not self-contained, so, yes, I heard the terrible things you said about me. You said I was dumb, out of touch, too idealistic. You gossiped, you told people I’d lost my mind. I was an idiot, you said. Lost—I’d be broke and alone in no time.

It was upsetting—gut-wrenching and heartrending—to hear the vitriol. I thought you were different. I thought*we* were different. I thought we were *friends*.

You, my lip-service friends, told me it was impossible. If people could make a living from their passions, you said, then everyone would be doing it. I was making a mistake, a horrible decision. I’d regret giving up the money, the status, the ostensible success. My plan would never work.

It’s evident now you were projecting your own fears, hoping I would fail so [your flawed idea of success](https://www.theminimalists.com/successfool/) would remain unblemished.

I don’t regret it, my change in lifestyle: It all worked out. And then some. My life is better now. Substantially better. Be it [money](https://theminimalists.com/worry), passion, health, growth, contribution—my life has improved exponentially. Even my friends are better.

My *real* friends—although they may’ve not fully understood my decision at the time—supported me through the transition. Real support. They encouraged me, cheered me on, offered help when I needed it. It took this radical change to recognize my real friends—and to recognize those just hanging on because I had an impressive job title or the shiny things they wanted.

Without the facade of a big paycheck or an oversized house, I made new friends: people whose interests, values, and beliefs align with mine. Wonderful people who care about me for me, not for what’s printed on my business card.

So goodbye, [fake friends](https://www.theminimalists.com/relationships/) of old: I’m [walking away for good](https://www.theminimalists.com/walk-away/), and you won’t be able to catch up. Before I go, though, I want to thank you for teaching me one of life’s most important lessons…

You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.

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